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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

3 sports that are completely over rated....

"Please, tell me more about shit that doesn't matter"
P.E. isn't everyone's master subject at school, the lesson was merely a chance to piss about and get up to all kinds of fuckery around the grounds. They would try and teach our class an array of sports, but nobody would really care, all we wanted to do was kick the faulty vending machine to see how many juice cartons we could snatch. But over the years I have become aware of sports' existence and grown knowledgeable of certain games' rules , as most conversation in pubs is centered around the latest breaking news Sky Sports can conjure. I'm going to level with you; I hate it. I like watching sport, but not conversing about how a football player has broken their little toe, that kind of chatter might entertain a deaf infant chimp, but not me. However, it's come to my attention through listening aimlessly at sport convos that some sports are just plainly over rated, as I don't know how anybody could see it as an entertaining sport or why it becomes the main Topic during a social gathering. The following three examples just give you a taste of the pointlessness of some sports and will perhaps make you think twice before joining a conversation that sends half of your group to sleep...

1. Cricket
I wouldn't say cricket is awful, I'd say it is so awful, that a new adjective has to be invented to describe its awfulness, and then twin the term's meaning with a new phrase for "big pile of smelly dog turd". Only then can you understand how truly awful cricket is. Any sport that at an international level takes five days to determine a winner should not exist, infact it's classing as a sport as wrong, think of it more of a torture for the fan that they endure to exert their allegiance to this dull hobby. So what makes it so bad? Well for starters, nothing happens for three-quarters of the match and even when a wicket is taken or the batter hits a six (a ball beyond the boundary without bouncing), you'll most likely miss it, as you were preoccupied with another activity. Seriously, I reckon being raped in jail is more fun then watching a test match.

"Finally, we lost, it's over..."
Yet still it has a massive appeal amongst the worldwide population! This baffles me, a  Lords cricket ground ticket starts at forty pounds, A DAY. A twenty seven thousand capacity sell out every test match, equals a hell of alot of dough, I would do the mathematics for you, but frankly the calculator is to far away from where I'm sitting. It's mostly retirees that spend their well-earned pensions to sit in a forty pound seat to watch this tripe, mostly because it's what they'd be doing at home anyway, might as well pay for an expensive seat and get away from the telly box because let's face it, during the day it's either Jeremy Kyle or Loose Women. There is no alternative. Moreover, they even run the risk of death, be it a slight risk, however a solid lump of cricket ball to the face will probably cause the old timer to check out early. Cricket has become the way out of the retirement home. And life. Give the crowd a helmet at least, jheez...

2. American Football
WILLLSSOONNNNNNNN...oh wait, that was a volleyball. However the oval shape of the American football has become a trademark symbol for the country's sporting characteristic. What a shame, because American Football is utterly over rated, possibly the most over rated on this list. The Super Bowl is the world's most watched sporting event and I'm finding it hard to see why. 

I thought Americans liked fast paced end-to-end action like basketball offers, not a slow stop-start drag that entices the larger athlete to write his name on a team sheet? I stayed up to watch the Super Bowl here in the early hours of the morning, and by the eventual end of it, my eyes had melted through the constant bombardment of advertisements and my ears bled due to whistle signalling stoppages. It drove me insane. Infact at this very moment I'm typing in an asylum, eating chocolate biscuits. The walls are my friends now.

Thanks America.

3. Bowls
The fascination of curling things plays a big part in this game. The fans of bowls most likely also love curly straws, hot curling tongs and the film Wanted. You know, things that curl other things. As this is the main priority of the game, and my word is it boring. The idea is to throw big balls at a smaller ball, but hitting the smaller ball is FORBIDDEN, because apparently it has feelings or something. To do this players, curl, that's right, curl the big ball at the small ball into their intended area where they want it to land. Skillful, eh? Well, not exactly.
Just chuck it toward the right. WORLD CLASS.
As matter of fact is rather easy, the big balls are already weighted one side so in all fairness all the player has to do is throw it gently the other way. I played this at a holiday resort and after a couple of go's, I was pro. The hype these people get from fans is outrageous, as this game takes no technical skill whatsoever, yet it is one of the most anticipated events at the Commonwealth Games. As you can see, it didn't make the Olympics for a reason. Leave your lawn long, put your balls away. Ew...