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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

3 calendar dates that drive the public insane

Merry Leap Year everybody! It feels strange looking at a calendar and seeing a number on a month that isn't supposed to be there, but I guess thats what February's all about, Leap Years and pancakes. Delicious, delicious pancakes. But back to today's Topic, holidays are the days of the year that people rejoice their love for each other and share this bountiful day of freedom in celebration of something. However, there are some days that mean nothing, they're just there either from tradition, or to annoy and gently pillage the public into giving. There may be reasons behind these days, but celebrations in the modern world have changed nowadays, and evolved in to a pain in society's backside. The following is a simple list of three calendar dates that drive people insane, perhaps this'll shed some light on how crazy these days are...

1. Halloween
"As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door". Edgar Allen Poe saw it coming. Kids await Halloween night like it's the coming of the Messiah, the whole idea of slapping on ridiculous clothes and make-up, only to then go up to adults to attempt to terrify the shit out of them in exchange for candy is a child's fantasy. I know, I was a child once. But once all grown up, we tend to find the concept rather daunting, as it now unsuprisingly scares the shit out of us. But it's not the children who tend to do the scaring, on their part they are just an irritation begging for sugary treats, think of the little tykes as midget  homeless people on their way to fancy dress gatherings. You pity them and hand them candy. Or rather have to, as the fright comes from their intimidating older brother/sister standing next to them, making sure they are protected from any candy stealing hoodlums. The obvious expression of them not wanting to be there and the anger that the sibling is getting something (even though they'll probably steal it from them anyway) and they aren't, can only result in one thing. Rage.
Never give them an apple.

After midnight and the small ones are in bed, they'll head out in packs to the houses that either rejected their family candy or which ever owner gave them a dirty look to egg your house and trash your front lawn. Now THIS is terrifying. All that effort trying to scare us with zombie face painting is nothing compared to the threat of a bike coming through your window. Halloween's main fear factor is now from teenagers, not ghouls and goblins. Unlike the Twilight saga, who's teenagers seem to glimmer rather than tear people's throats out. (SEE AN EARLIER POST).

2. Easter
Chocolate is awfully tasty and as many of you know, it melts in your mouth and is an aphrodisiac. It's THAT good. But everytime Easter comes around, chocolate suddenly becomes a necessity and gateway to a diabetic problem. We consume more cocoa eggs and bunnies over the Easter period than three years worth of chocolate compared to the average intake we would usually have. That isn't fact. I made it up, but I'm sure if I could be bothered to research it would have a similar jist.

We all become greedy on Easter (Pancake Day for the pancakes, St Patrick's day for the drink etc etc) and find it nessecary to eat tons of chocolate, even though that day isn't any more special than any other day according to our bodies. Jesus may have something to say about that, but our sugar and fat intake doesn't measure things by how long ago a guy may or may not have arisen from the dead. It lives in the present and as an organism, and presently, your fattening yourself up with Easter treats and piling on the pounds so for the next couple of weeks you'll be waddling instead of walking. In addition, Lindt make a fortune out of you...
"I'm gonna mess with your insides"
3. Valentine's Day
I love you. Them three words mean something, well should mean something when people say them and not just blotted about randomly when ever felt like it. It toys with feelings and prevokes emotion, so when said, it should also be shown. Three hundred and sixty five days a year. Not one. Are you catching my drift?
Your girlfriend's special to us, too.

Valentine's day is a commercial way getting couples and desperate single people to part with cash in hoping to either obtain some kind of affection from another human being and nothing more. Nothing changes on this day, your relationship is still in the same place it has always been and, unless it's a landmark date in your personal entwined lives, it's not really significant personally. It's just an excuse to go out for a meal, pay double the price as any other week day and to buy cheap crap from Clinton Cards that he/she's only going to throw out eventually anyway. Seeing couples go mad on Valentine's day makes me want to tear my eyes out and feel sympathy...for his wallet.

1 comment:

  1. I don't answer the door on Halloween. We never have chocolates or sweets prepared, so if my dad ever unwittingly opens the door, he gives trick or treaters 2p!

    I wait until all the easter eggs are 'buy one get one free', then buy a gajillion and turn into an easter egg monster :D

    Valentines is poop