3 reasons why porn cannot have a narrative...

It's that guy from The Hangover

How did this book suddenly pop up over night? It seems every single person with a pair of X chromosomes has devised an opinion on Fifty Shades of Grey, and it's fair to say the opinion is mixed. I have skimmed it via an e-book, I have not read it completely, although I did acquire the basic gist that the book entails: it's soft porn. A novel can indulge the reader into depicting the author's mindset and life experiences and through this, the audience can see she is sexually frustrated with a hint of mental instability. No? Only me? She did write fan fiction after all. For Twilight of all things, and you can tell from the bulk of waffle and improbable dialogue Anastasia uses. "Oh how you beguile me!", *sells millions of copies*.  However this Topic is not about Fifty Shades of Grey, it's about porn. Pornography. Sex with actors. Although it is nationally thought to be the best friend of a man's right hand, a recent survey also suggests 6 in 10 women in Britain stream porn on the Internet. In addition with erotic fiction and the world wide phenomenon of E.L James' novel that is scared to use the word vagina, it is truly mainstream. However, I have a bone to pick with it. Not literally, though.  Porn shouldn't have a narrative, whether it's on paper or screen, and here are 3 reasons why...

1. Hilarity
The notion of a narrative allows you to immerse into a plot and understand a character's feelings whilst going a long their journey, no matter how short the time frame may be.  Sex should be used as a tool within a certain type of romance or real life genre to depict a bond between two people or a deception someone has committed. It should be an add on to a much bigger and longer plot. Giving porn a narrative however, ends up in hilarious consequences. How can it be taken seriously? You know the ending is going to be him blowing his load somewhere or other, therefore what's the point of giving the characters personalities?


 Let them get on with it! They even make shows with clever titles such as "Gash in the Attic" and "The XXX Factor" to let the viewer know what they're getting. Shouldn't they already know this!? IT'S PORN. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a television guide for porn channels, and maybe in years to come they'll even have a pull out with The Sun telling you what's on seeing it's one of the biggest industries on the planet. Back to the reason why Fifty Shades is doing so well. Women love this porn with narrative bile, because it speaks to them on a moral and acceptable level. It's side-splitting to see them whip out a copy on the train and start tucking in to it's physical descriptions. I've veered off Topic, I better get to the next point...

A fitting place to indulge in porn...

2. Copycats

 Young adult men will do anything for sex, as will some women in this day and age, the desperation of getting some is driving Western culture wild as it's safe to say we have become addicted. Scenarios in porn spark ideas for men to get laid as they themselves as they may be in a similar position the actor has put themselves in and attempt to apply the same moves. Sounds ridiculous? I'll prove it. It's like you've watched a film, and somebody has quoted the film perfectly, whether they know it or not, if they do it just gives more evidence to this point. There is a punch line or answer that you will automatically copy because it sounded cool in that movie and it is the perfect reply to their statement. Psychologically you want to be as cool as the character depicted on screen. Now we're getting into Freudian territory. It happens, and young men will copy what they have seen in pornos because it worked for the lucky guy they saw boning the hot blonde girl.


Of course it's role reversal, the girl could see or read something that helps them satisfy their libido, like having kinky bondage sex with a billionaire to keep your job and hide the admittance that a "normal" boyfriend is not what you really desire and you crave the excitement he gives in your life.


I've got to stop doing this, on to the last reason...


3. Fifty Shades of Grey was written
I'm sorry. I can't help myself. It's just awful. Thanks to porn having a narrative and popularity of the genre, it has managed to spawn this grotesque excuse for a book and scarred my and the worlds population's pupils for life. Keep porn short and sweet, so there is no risk of creating this monstrosity again. 

Thank you.