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Sunday, February 19, 2012

4 of the most annoying things to wait for, ever.

Waiting. The most boring of human verbs. Even more boring than moving, and that's pretty standard, to, y'know, live. However as strenuous for the legs and mind as it can be, waiting is a massive part of our lives and we have to tolerate it, because everything in life doesn't fit to our schedule. Therefore, the following is a list of the most tedious things to wait for. Ever... Comment if you can think of a worse one!
1. Loading screens
Technology has advanced the world into a new a form of waiting: the waiting for the programs to load. Unlike humans, programs cannot be urged on or poked until they move and stop being lazy as they are random segments of code, which makes this one all the more irritating as your dependance on machines plays evidently in the fruition of you wanting to be entertained. Whether it's a DVD, video game or a buffering YouTube video, these hypothetical egg timers make you want to throw your monitor out of the window as it stops you from achieveing satisfaction from the program and all of it's glorious binary contents. Face it, if you want entertainment, it'll be at your machine's accord, not yours.

I bet this is what The Terminator sees when masturbating.

How to deal with it: Buy newer, faster technology that will help speed up the loading process. Or avoid it all together and play Scrabble.
Annoyance rating: 4/10

2. Doctor's appointments
You're ill and out of your reluctance you've had to rely on a qualified person in medicine to give you a good once over to find any anomolies that may admit you to an early death. Now you're terrified. You're impending doomsday information could only be seconds away. Or minutes. Or hours. Most probably hours. To make matters worse as well as being a sick puppy, doctors insist on keeping people in that waiting room with other sick people for the longest time possible, hoping that by merging each others sicknessess you'll create a cure for cancer and find the meaning of life. There may be a back log of patients, but booking a specific time, means I want to be seen on the time, that I booked. If you went to a restaraunt, booked a table and had to wait two hours before you got your prawn cocktail starter, you'd be pissed and feel cheated. At least if you have to wait in restaraunts they have today's paper and not POP magazine dated from five years ago to keep me occupied. Ooh, Britney Spears is pregnant...
How to deal with it: Find out the lunch time of the doctors and book your appointment straight after they have lunch, then you'll be first on the list for the second half of their day. Smart, eh? ;)
Annoyance rating: 7/10
3. Food
As I said before, if you "had to wait two hours before you got your prawn cocktail starter, you'd be pissed and feel cheated". Spoken like a true prodigy. Food is a terribly annoying aspect of this blog post, as it is one of the most self satisfying of all of the topics that I've complained about, therefore also the most painful to wait for. Everything from slow waiters (the irony in that job title is astounding) to hour-long cooking times boils my blood to a state of it being cooked itself. Mmm, tasty blood soup.

"I'll have what he's having"
One of the main reasons waiting for meals sucks so hard is that it's unavoidable, food has to be cooked or you'll simply get ill and die. Well, not always, but charring it to an edible state will keep away the bacteria nasties such as salmonella and E-Coli. And let's face it, nobody wants one of them jittering around in their bloodstream or stomach. Well, I don't anyway, but there's a fetish for everything nowadays...
How to deal with it: Not alot you can do really, just suck it up and wait. Or you could go to McDonalds and get a fast cooked McFat burger with some McFries and McApple Pie, if you find the road to a slow obesity problem appealing.
Annoyance rating: 8/10
4. Buses
Buses. The bane of my life, and I'm sure I'm not alone on this one. At some point in our lives, we have been without the luxury of an automobile or fast-moving train (stuff that actually gets you to your destination on time) and have had to take the bus. This grand hunk of machinery moseys along stop by stop picking up people either without other means of transport or who are unable/too lazy to walk absoloutely anywhere. This explanation probably wasn't needed, however I feel the concept of a bus needed to be laid out as clear as possible, as they simply do not stick to their criteria. It doesn't count as a plausible service when you have been waiting at a bus stop for the last half an hour and the bus rolls up twenty minutes late, looking casual and not hurried. The bus driver has made no effort to keep schedule. The wheels look fine, no sign of an accident or wrong turn. The engine runs smoothly, well, as smooth as it can do. And still, you have made me and every person here wait for no reason at all except the bus driver's laziness...WHY BE SE SO SELFISH!? It's blistering cold outside and everybody just needs to get in the warmth and pay ridiculous fares, just so you can chauffer our arses around slowly, and still you turn up late. I'm sorry for the angry nature of this one, but wow, buses suck vast amounts of penis...
How to deal with it: Pray. Pray it comes before you die of frostbite.
Annoyance rating: 10/10

I feel you bro.

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