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Monday, August 20, 2012

3 "healthy foods" you probably think are good for you...

The general public this day and age are obsessed with health and well-being, as the up keep of your body will ensure you of a long life and a fit physical state when you hit retirement. This statement is true, as living on nothing but crisps and McDonalds isn't exactly going to expand your lifespan, only your waist and risk of heart disease. Production companies have recognized our need to feed on the food with less saturated fats, therefore have sprung a bombardment of adverts on television of beautiful women chowing down on what ever crap they can muster from their factories. However some of the foods you'd think would help either lose weight or stay in shape just well, don't. Doing some research on calorieking (source right there) I now bring you 3 "healthy foods" you probably think are good for you and you may be surprised. Or maybe not, if you're like me and study the back of packaging for hours on end...

1. Cereal Bars

It's a simple idea, cereals are healthy so why not convert them into a tasty nutritional snack you can have on the go!? No milk, no mess and you still get the amazing taste of a breakfast any time of the day, where ever you may be. I should work for these advertising companies. However as amazing as that idea sounds, the reality is that you might as well eat a chocolate bar. A cereal bar has an average of 160 calories per bar, whilst a bar of Dairy Milk only has 200. That. Is. Fact. 
Smile your way to obesity.
 So put down that Nutri-Grain and tuck into a chocaltey sugary treat and don't feel bad about yourself. Just think, all of them actresses on the commercials, they're now rolling down the high street as they've kept eating them constantly thanks to the company giving them a life time supply. Oh well, at least that girl got paid, mhhhm. That's about as ghetto as I can get. 

2. Yoghurt Drinks

Frankly anything that can be eaten with spoon should be not condensed and stuck into a bottle for a drink. It feels wrong in my opinion. But apparently they help the digestive system flow or whatever according to the adverts. 

Using a diagram on every advert to make you feel like a simpleton that doesn't know how to take a shit, when in truth all the products do is offer a cheap alternative to an actual decent breakfast. Pouring yoghurt is another example, putting this gloopy liquid all over your corn flakes insults the cereal and your taste buds, stick to milk, it's the right way to go...

3. Super Noodles

Pasta can't be fattening can it? It's just wheat!? Everyone knows bread makes you pile on the pounds but Batchelors have managed to make a pasta product that. University students everywhere live off these easy to make snacks and I'm a hypocrite, since I'm one of them. Chicken flavour is the best. You gotta have the chicken flavour. 

 I couldn't tell you how they do it, but they process the noodles in such away that half a pack is 27% of your daily calorie intake. The flavouring powder adds a few percentages to that number, as they make the noodles addictive and finger lickin' good. KFC won't sue. I'm sure.  

"See you in court motherlicker"


  1. Super noodles as in the ramen in pouch? I like chicken flavor too!

    1. Along the same lines! They come in a packet and taste delicious, lovely chicken-y goodness :)

  2. What about a chocolate cereal bar? x

    1. I wouldn't like to think, because they taste so good! :) x