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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

4 jobs that annoy the public…

Employment is one of the more difficult Topics to Bitch about simply because it’s a very sensitive subject, however like all unwanted chores, it has to be done. Jobs have a notoriety to be difficult to find when you’re out of work as experience and past employment comes into factor with most companies these days and frankly, who can blame them? They don’t want to train someone from scratch, that’s time consuming and pointless when someone else with certain experience in the field is applying for the job. Still, the fact remains that there are people with no experience because nearly every company has this mindset, so how can they gain experience if no one will employ them without experience? What a mindfuck. 
Everyone loses their cool.
However there are some jobs that are so easy and horribly annoying that people are forced to take them up due to money issues and you know, the necessity of living. Therefore I give you the 4 jobs that annoy the public to such an extent, that anger is bound to ensue. Remember though, if you do come across any person that has been unfortunate enough to be put into any of these 4 positions, spare some sympathy for that poor soul. Then show your frustration, ‘cause you’re only human…

1. Bathroom attendant

Men everywhere have felt the rage build up inside them when one of these are skulking around the sinks and drying towels. He feeds off the naivety of the male’s need for sex, and uses the power of crude persuasion to tempt you into buying a few sprays of fragrance. Now I haven’t been in ladies bathroom of late because I myself am of the male gender, and not a creepy guy who likes to watch women sit on the toilet. Seriously, how are these type of men allowed to walk among us? Therefore I’m clueless if the ladies can share such annoyance, but if not, just feel our pain for the moment.

Imperial Leather junkies...
We’re about to wash our hands after a rather relieving session with the toilet and there he is, forcing eye contact as if he wants to take you out for dinner. It’s a charming notion, but disturbing nonetheless. Cleanliness is the first thing on the menu when washing hands, so we look for the soap. But there is none. Strange, a club of this caliber, and there’s no soap? What is this nonsense!? But then of course it comes to revelation that he has it. Guarding it as if we would be inclined to take more than we need, like a greedy soap gremlin. Either way, we need the soap, but he won’t just give us it. Oh no, that would be too simple. He juveniles us and squirts it in our hands. We are not fucking five! We do not need help! Why didn’t you just come in the cubicle and wipe our arses for us? Pull up our pants if you want, we must not be capable to do them simple tasks too if we can’t even wash our own bloody hands! Then he tempts us to buy some fragrance after helping us to dry our hands with cheap paper towels. Typing in these inclusive pronouns is starting to make me feel like Gollum.

Using a clever concoction of sexual psychology and clever wordplay he tries to batter us down to accept the charge of using the bathroom. Shouting things across the bathroom such as “No splash, No gash!” and the infamous, “No Armani, No punani!” The single men in the room jump at the chance of not smelling like sweat, in the chance that there’s girl in the club might get off on the smell of “Joop!” If you rely on how you smell to attract the opposite sex, you must have the personality of a shoe. Avoid the attendant, at all costs.

Annoyance rating: 9/10

2. Telephone operator

Everyone is trying to sell you something these days. It seems that anything goes when making money is involved and stealing is top of the list. I’m not talking about daylight physical robbery. I’m talking about stealing your personal details, such as phone numbers. I’m nineteen and I’ve had hundreds of calls urging me to claim miss-sold PPI to a point where I’m actually convinced I’m owed money. Asking me this is like asking a blind person for directions, the answer is always going to be, “Fuck off”.

Call me again. I dare you.
 I personally like to have full-blown conversations with them completely off topic to waste their time, and let’s face it; I have a lot of Topics to talk about. How they obtain the phone number in the first place is a mystery. They probably scan Facebook for idiots who have left their accounts connected to their mobiles. In the case of these people, I have no sympathy for your ever-ringing phone.

Annoyance rating: 6/10

3. “Professional” Tumblr Bloggers

Blogging is a way to express opinions and start discussions with other people who have the same interests. Some people are lucky enough to be employed by posting their blogs on legit websites and get paid for it. These people are called Journalists. There’s a fact for you. Now we have that out of the way, I can wade you into shit swamp that is Tumblr and the types of people that you can find on there. If you use Tumblr as a hobby, that’s perfect, it’s what it’s meant for. Go you! However, there are people that take it way too seriously and look at it as a career rather than a past time. Poor deluded souls.

Posting art and thoughts on Tumblr is NOT A CAREER. If you can make a bit of money in the process with advertisement and selling the odd t-shirt, you’ve done extremely well. To take it further, get employed by an actual company and share your portfolio with them, then you can call it career. I’ve seen people list it as a profession on Facebook and Twitter and list it on their CV’s. I don’t think employers will give a horse’s left testicle about how many notes one post got. Unless they’re wearing the t-shirt you sold, then brag away.

Annoyance rating: 7/10

4. Market Trader

You’re selling 5 bananas for a pound. We get it. No need to shout.

Annoyance Rating: 5/10

When the pimps in the crib ma...

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