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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

3 things you should never do at a festival...

Hello! I've been away for awhile, mainly because my computer decided to pack up, right in the middle of an assignment deadline too, which was courteous of it. But I'm back! More fuelled then ever to bitch about Topics. ;)

Festival season is upon us, with massive stretches of stage and musicians, the ground rumbles with the sound of jumping feet and bass guitars. I myself plan to go Reading festival, and I'm going to get so drunk, I won't remember anything that happens. Money well spent. However although your freedom to do absoloutely anything at these places is frankly AMAZING, there are some things that staying clear of will not only enhance your enjoyment, but could save your life. For the most part, anyway. So I give you the three things you should never do at a festival, no matter how tempting it may seem...

1. Use the showers
Aaah yes, there's nothing like a long, hot, steamy shower to start your day, the feeling as the hot water beats upon your skin is bliss. It wakes you up, soothes your aches, and if you're at a festival, will make you wish you were dry as the Sahara desert. The showers at a festival are fucking disgusting. Limescale clogs up the pipes, the water has tinge of brown to it's colouring and the smell coming up from drain is enough to make a pig gag. It must be more sanitary to dive in a mud pit where a mosh has taken place earlier in the day, rolling around in that filth would be considerably more hygenic than letting that water touch skin.
"Cleanliness, is next to godliness"
People will argue the fact that the showers are dirty, as they are probably the ones who can be bothered to trek miles away from their camps to use the filthy things, and don't want to admit they were wrong. Baby wipes and dry shampoo are the way foward here, they will get you clean quickly and are easier to get to since they're actually in your tent. Besides, isn't the point of being at a festival to get dirty and a valiant excuse to not wash anyway? Clean people are just not gaining the full experience...

2. Arrive at a stage late
Musicians barely start on time which ever you gig you go to, but at festivals, it's tradition for the band to start a little late to keep the anticipation of the crowd growing. You may think of this point to be an excuse of relaxing and arriving a little late to your favourite band's perfoming area, expecting everyone else to be as lazy as you. Don't be that guy.
2 hours before Foo Fighters take to the stage...
Thousands of people attend festivals, therefore the crowd's capacity will reach it's max within the first hour before the band even comes on, you'll be at the back of the crowd trying to leap on peoples shoulders just to get a glimpse of your idols. Pushing through dense crowds of people to get to the front isn't on the agenda either, as you have to be stupidly strong or ridiculously famous for people to let you past and chances are, you're neither. You'll most likely just end up staring at the big screen and let's face it, you could have done that at home.

3. Get naked
Now this is a provocative one, but necessary none the least, as a tendency to get drunk at festivals is a tradition. I know, I'm going to do it myself. But one thing I will restrain from doing, is shedding my clothes no matter how intoxicated my fragile brain may be. The garments lost at festivals is staggering, t-shirts, trousers, sunglasses (ALWAYS the sunglasses) and underwear are all stripped of by one's self in the formidable heat of the summer and sweat boxes of crowds, in an attempt to cool down whilst you dance.

Firstly, that doesn't make sense. They're moving anyway, making blood pump around the body and their pores to open so they naturally sweat. Do you really think removing a tiny bit of cloth will help cool down? These people are not your friends. Secondly, the exception of totally sweaty people is not an exception at all, if your t-shirt sticks to you whilst you sweat, don't wear one in the first place! A private strip tease isn't in order for us to see, we don't want to view your eternal struggle to pull the soaking shirt over your head and then fling the excess drips of sweat at our faces. Others will think it's raining. And lastly, the clothes will be lost, why spend tons of money on brands such DrySuper and LaurenRalph when it's just going to end up getting lost and used by a hobo as a pillow.

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